INCOMING!

I love fall for so many reasons... the beautiful colors on the trees, no bugs, cool, crisp mornings perfect for hiking and the autumn harvest. There's nothing better than fresh veggies right out of the garden, cooked to perfection.

But sometimes perfection in cooking goes a little awry; a little errant. The other day I erred, oh boy, did I err.



Mental note to self: No more spaghetti squash in the microwave.

Why Glamour Shots isn't a good thing.

I was looking up old friends on Facebook, who happen to be old friends of my ex-husband, and I stumbled across both his and his wife's profiles. I've discussed my ex's profile creating abilities before, though I think it was on my old blog back when him and his wife were doing the whole married-and-living-together-but-dating-other-people-because-we-can't-keep-our-pants-on thing. My post basically boiled down to me dissecting his horrible personals profile and giving my opinion on his use of a head-shot showing just enough of his bare shoulders to insinuate him being nude (or at least shirtless). *shudder on both counts*


I've got to say that his profile creation skills have definitely NOT improved. Including his photo choosing skills. This one is no more flattering than the last...Why hello, double chin, how nice to meet you. The only upside is that at least his shirt shows so there is no suggestion of him not wearing clothes. (Thank you, sweet Jesus.)


And his wife. Oy. Let's just say she went a little nuts at Glamour Shots.

And no, I have not friended the old friends. In fact, I changed all my privacy options so that only friends can see my stuff.

Top Ten: Bear Grylls

1. Deer droppings are not food, no matter what you say.

2. Unknown caves = death, not food and water. Don't go spelunking while showing people how to survive. That's not survival, that's eff'n stupid!

3. Crickets are an unnecessary dessert after you've just killed a pig.

4. Barrelling ass down a steep incline after just telling the camera to always use caution and go slowly when on treacherous terrain is assinine. Do as you say, not as you do, huh?

5. The way you eat the "edible" stuff makes it even grosser than gross. Close your mouth when you chew, ho!

6. I honestly hope that Will Ferrell annoyed you as much as you annoy me.

7. Do you have a wife? If so, how long did you have to wait after eating that skunk for her to let you kiss her. Dude... gross!

8. I really don't think you needed your man-junk blurred out after you fell into that frozen lake. I'm pretty sure the twig and berries were up in your throat.

9. What did that poor frog in Vietnam do to you? You aren't Ozzie eff'n Osbourne! You didn't really need to bite the poor thing's head off.

10. Thanks for the laugh. You telling your millions of viewers how there's only "four inches of wood between me and that raging water down there", cracked my shit up!

The calm after the storm

Summer is gone. School is back in session. Parents everywhere rejoice. And, I do believe, a good share of kids rejoice over the beginning of school as well. Towards the end of summer siblings start irritating each other more than normal and they look forward to getting back into their usual groups of friends. This single event has gotten the three kids left in our house away from each other for a few hours each day, which was definitely needed.

Wait. Did I say that there are only three kids left in the house? Why yes, I did. Jan has gone to college and Greg... *sigh* Where do I begin with Greg?

Greg has blown off college and his free ride to college. Thanks to scholarships, grants and work study offerings, his college education would have been completely paid for. And then some. He would likely have gotten a tidy sum back each semester to help him out with gas, welding supplies and whatever else would have come up.

But no. College obviously is not for him. Nor is any other type of education. Not at this point in his life, anyway.

And did I mention work is apparently not for him either? Yeah. Greg wanted to do his own thing, working only enough for fun money and having no responsibility in life whatsoever.

So the foot, err, feet (Mike and I are a united front on this), had to be put down. Greg had a choice to make. College, work and pay rent, or move out. He chose the third option and moved out.

I have mixed feelings about this. First, I wish he would realize how many high school grads out there would all but kill for the financial opportunity he just flushed down the toilet. But there's a part of me deep-down that figures he's never going to get it. I know him well.

On the other hand, maybe he needed this change. He's not actually going forth into the world on his own and finding his own way, he's going to go live with his father. But it might just be the change Greg needs to come to some sort of decision on what he's going to do with the rest of his life (besides party).

I knew the day for him to test his wings would come. And I pretty much figured it would go down this way, due to his personality. I just hope that it works out for him. If not, he knows where home is.

It's not just for wedding receptions

From Knotting, I've found that people either love or hate a staple of many wedding receptions... the Chicken Dance. It was played at ours and it seemed to be a hit. We had two groups making beak motions and flapping their wings.



Though one of my new sisters-in-law had the group she was in doing some weird square-dance-esque moves.



I'm still not quite sure what all that was about, but it sure was entertaining. The bridal party got a tad bit carried away with it and I'm surprised that no one ended up on the floor.

Ahh. Memories.

While Mike was busy helping load animals into trailers at the most recent fair, Peter and I wandered around.

We found a nice black horse to pet and feed handfuls of hay to until it sprayed horse snot on us. Gee thanks.

We saw something called Indian Runner Ducks (3 for $25, they almost came home with me) and Silkies chickens.

We even managed to find a few roosters who were busting a move.

Chicken dance


You can take the chicken out of the barn, but you can't take the dance out of the chicken.

Not quite what you'd call a Smooth Criminal

This week has been a doosey at work. Actually, it's been several weeks in a row like this. Ever since we got that new computer program it's just been crazy busy. To the point where my 35-hour-a-week-workin'-ass is now working 40+ hours a week. In a way, I love it. I'm building up a good bit of comp time which helps off-set the loss of the massive amounts of vacation time I had at my last job. I can take days off here and there and not have to take them unpaid.

I'm not sure if our increased caseload is just due to the new computer system and backlog of work created when two courts were computer-less for up to two weeks, or if we are just getting that many more criminals. It seems we are getting a lot more embezzelment and theft cases though; a product of these poor economic times, I'm sure.

One of our most recent cases involves a man who had allegedly been breaking into homes and camps for the past four years and selling off his ill-gotten loot. He was finally caught when police were called to his house after neighbors complained that his son was firing weapons. The man anted-up the gun to the cops, who then ran the serial number, which came back stolen. Brilliant.

Now to further point out just how *not* Smooth this guy is, here's an excerpt from our local newspaper's article on it...

Following his arrest last month, Smooth Criminal was lodged in the county
jail in lieu of a $10,000 bond. Three weeks ago, he requested his bond be
reduced to $1,000 so he could go home and go to work. Smooth Criminal agreed to
the conditions Judge placed on his release including no consumption of alcohol.
Within days, Smooth Criminal was drinking and was put back in jail.

Following witness testimony Tuesday, Smooth Criminal apologized to the
court for violating his bond, saying he had slipped and did the wrong thing.
Promising he would not let anyone down, he asked Judge to grant him a release
from jail.

"Again?!" Judge replied to Smooth Criminal's request. The judge said it
was his understanding that when police came to the defendant's home to give him
a PBT at night, Smooth Criminal fled into the woods where it appeared he was
hiding under a tree. Judge said Smooth Criminal's lighted cigarette led police
to him.

It's a damn Smooth Criminal that lights a cigarette in a black forest while hiding from the cops.

That's where it's at!

The Love Shack is a little old place
where we can get together
Love Shack baby, Love Shack bay-bee.
Love baby, that's where it's at,
Ooo love baby, that's where it's at

So Saturday was the big day. What big day? The big day of taking Jan and all her stuff downstate to college. Oh, and her boyfriend, too. It was an interesting day to say the least. We had money snafus, obnoxious other parental units and some of the hottest, muggiest, sauna-esque weather ever. Leave it to Michigan to pick the one day we are hauling a ton of crap up a flight of stairs to be summer.

They have rented a little apartment off-campus. It's a typical first apartment - one bedroom, bathroom, small livingroom and kitchen. Nothing special. And, like many first apartments, it's on the second floor. Joy.

We arrived and began the job of hauling up all their crap. Did I mention the staircase curved? That was a little adventure in itself. You couldn't walk up/down one side of it at the curve since the stairs were about three inches deep there; barely enough for a toe-hold, much less an entire foot.

We got everything hauled up, including the Love Sac. Ever heard of a Love Sac? Me either. Until Jan and her boyfriend shelled out $500 on what is basically a ginormous bean bag chair to use as a couch. Who does that? Oh, yeah. College kids. *rolling eyes* While they wouldn't have fit a real couch through the door, what would have been wrong with a decent love seat? Because really, this Love Sac is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.

Oh wait, make that the second most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Mike sitting ON the Love Sac... that takes first place.



He's kind of got that whole Edith-Ann thing going on here, don't you think?